I'm as hot as the weather

The summer has arrived. From out of nowhere, it’s all sunshine and warm shadows around here these days. And this can only mean one thing: fat men half-naked.

People can’t deal with hot weather in Scotland, you see. As soon as the temperature runs anywhere above “chilly” and the clouds disappear for any longer than an hour, it’s suddenly declared a “heatwave”, and everyone starts acting like Tropical castaways, stripping off and sunning themselves. The problem with this, however, is the over-abundance of aesthetically-challenged people in this fair country of mine. It’s not that they’re ugly, as such, more that they’re usually more-than-slightly overweight and used to the pressures of everyday life watching the tv and eating chips. Before too long, the streets are full of people pink as an oyster, skin rolling over shorts that were in fashion 20-odd years ago, wearing flip-flop sandals and Richard Ashcroft sunglasses. Eating ice creams dripping across their hands and over their clothes. It’s not a pretty sight.

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All this stuff about the London Mayday riots is depressing. The original plan, Reclaim the Streets’ “Guerilla Gardening” to plant flowers and plants and hash in the grass across from Parliament, was great; a peaceful protest against “the system” that was also, well, FUNNY... It seemed like something the Situationists would’ve dreamt up, an oblique statement that no-one could really complain about (How many people wpuld really moan about people making somewhere prettier?). But, as always happens, “anarchistic” fuckwits appear and suddenly it’s destroying McDonalds and what the papers call “pitched battles” on the streets. And what gets into the media, and therefore the heads of most people in the country? “Must We Let This Scum Loose?” and all that crap. Jesus. The signal always gets lost in the noise, doesn’t it?

(And for the record, although none of you care; Painting statues is fine. Doesn’t disturb me at all that people spray “Is a murderer” on Churchill’s statue, nor any of the other ones... they’re only made of stone, for fuck’s sake. Rather THEY get trashed than real, living people. You can always wash paint off. I’m actually more pissed off with the trashing of shops... Not because I think that multinationals are a great thing or anything like that, but more because of the danger it put the workers and customers of the shops in. Anyone who claims that they deserve it because they were either aware of the risks or “supporting” the problem has an unnaturally simplistic view of the world, if you ask me. Though none of you did).

All that said, the bit in the paper where a tourist asked one of the rioters what was going on, only to be told that it wasn’t anything important, just the overthrowing of the state system, amused me. Apparently the tourist wasn’t bothered by this in the slightest, replied, “I see. Don’t let me stop you, then,” and wandered away calmly.

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A bizarre realisation over the weekend was that two of my ex-girlfriends have cartoon counterparts: One is Buttercup out’ve the Powerpuff Girls, and the other is Peppermint Patty, from Peanuts (Tina and Kate respectively, if you’re curious, Mich). Now I’m going to be paranoid over who the others are, and who I am. Linus from Peanuts, probably. *Sigh*...

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